Knowing what my calling is in life is a constant struggle for me, it always has been. At times I feel that I have had glimpses into what I was called here on earth to do, but just like most glimpses, they are fleeting and gone in an instant.
I have always known exactly what I want to do, but every time I've told someone what my dreams are, they've looked at me like I was insane for even thinking about the idea. They laugh it off like a joke and I walk away feeling ridiculous and defeated. Has my romantic notion of doing mission work in another country been my own selfish dream or something that I'm really supposed to be making an effort to do?
Everywhere I go, I look around me and the world seems full of people that are so sure of themselves and their purpose for being. People that know exactly what their calling is, and are living the life they are supposed to be living. My question to them is how did they know? At what moment in life did it come to them? Was it some big revelation that came to them in a bright flash of light or a small quiet voice inside their heart?
This morning during my quiet time, once again I was struggling with this issue, pleading with God to give me a sign, any sign, as to what I'm supposed to be doing with my life. I have felt so discontent lately, unfulfilled and unsatisfied. Like my feet aren't planted firmly on the ground and that things are spinning slowly out of control. And then it came to me, I heard it clear as day, the voice that spoke to me from my own heart.... God telling me that he would reveal His plan for me in His own time, not mine, when He feels that I am ready, not when I tell Him that I am.
How foolish I am for thinking that I can tell God how or when to do anything, especially when it is His plan for me! How selfish to think that it even has anything to do with me, other than the part I will play in seeing it to fruition. How can He trust me to carry out this plan when I can't even glorify Him in all that I do, to be a good example and live life with a servant's heart? When I'm not even disciplined enough to pray each morning and night, and when I do pray it is usually about what's going on in my own life, or to ask God to do something for me.
How can I be trusted to follow through with the plans He has for me when I am still sitting on the fence, with one foot on each side? Always walking middle of the road, depending on the day or the people I choose to surround myself with...
I don't know if I will ever be a good example, but I do know that I'm able to do anything through Christ. He knows my strengths and weaknesses much better than I do. He sees when things are spiraling out of control and is there with an open hand to help me if I would just be still and quiet enough to realize that without that hand I will never do anything other than stumble and fall.
Someday I will know exactly what it is that I was put here to do, but in the meantime I think I'll just stay quiet and listen for a while...
Hoping you all have a wonderful week!
~Tiff
Monday, September 22, 2008
all in due time...
written by Tiffany at 7:08 AM
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5 people had this to say:
Thanks for being so real. I think we all can relate to your feelings. I also think as we get older (yeah, it happens), we have this urgency about God's plan for us and making sure we're doing it. I'm always searching, never thinking I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing.
I know that God has me where I am for now. So, I'll just trust Him where I stand in time now and maybe He'll have something else for me later.
But, I do know what you're feeling because I feel the same way A LOT!
For now, just be still and know that He is God and He is in control. Don't worry, you can't mess up God's plan ... trust me. He's so much bigger than our mistakes and inadequacy.
Hugs!:)
Thanks for the comment. It's good to know that I'm not the only one that struggles with this issue...
I think what I'm most worried about is getting to the end of my life without doing what I was supposed to do because I was too stubborn to listen!
Hi Tiff, I was just over at Red Tin Heart she is listed in my blog she relly has a nice post and a song by Ricky Scaggs if you get a chance take a look. I think you will like it.
{{{{Sisterfriend}}}} been there, done that. And yes, He has a plan and it will be revealed at the right time. For the first time in my life, I actually feel like I'm finally doing what I have been called to do. My life is peaceful, content and I know that this was what God designed me to do. BUT if anybody told me that this was what I was going to do with my life in my 20s or even early 30s I would have laughed my ass off and told them they were insane... despite the fact that God had a plan. It's a hard thing just waiting and "going through the motions" while you're waiting for the big A-ha moment but sometimes you just have to travel down a long winding path before you get there.
BTW I did a lot of thinking about how I knew I was doing was what He wanted. And believe it or not, I had feelings of knowing that was what I secretly wanted (authentic self) and also FEAR. Yep, FEAR. Take for example, my mission trip. I felt all of the same things you did. But God told me that if I could spread His love to children who had lost faith in God and the world around him THAT was what mattered. Let go of the fear, Sisterfriend... it'll hold you back. God will never ask us to do anything that we can't do. Period.
WOW!
I just cried reading through this, because it is so right where I am right now...telling Him to give me an answer, yet not behaving in a way that's worthy of an answer.
Beautifully put, and totally ministered to me today, thank you...you're not alone new bloggy friend :)
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