out with the old

All in all it's been a good year here at our place. And while there have been a some adjustments made here and there with my daughter and her family living with us, I wouldn't trade it for the world.

I've been sitting here thinking about what I would like to remember about this year, something that made it different from past years. Let's see...

1. One of the biggest things of all is that I let go of being homesick... In the past, every time something went wrong or didn't work out the way I thought it should, my first reaction was the desire to return to Texas, you know, that whole "fight or flight" thing. I started out the year missing my family and friends terribly and was riddled with guilt over moving so far away from everyone. I mean, what good Southern girl moves 2000 miles away from their family and friends? Well, I guess this one does, cus here I am, all the way up here on the east coast, living in a house that I love, in a beautiful little city that is really beginning to feel like home to me, in a different sort of way. Texas will always be my real home, where my roots are, and if the opportunity came up I would go back there for sure, but I need to be happy and content where I am, and it feels like that's finally happened. Praise God, now on to the rest of this story called "Life"...

2. Our marriage finally feels like it is on real, solid ground. I'm not sure either one of us thought it would ever happen, with so much chaos and drama in the past, but here we are - none the worse for wear, and stronger for all that we've been through. I think we've pretty much mastered the art of conflict resolution and forgiveness and have finally moved into the state of comfort and security...

3. This year has been a big one on letting go of who I thought I was supposed to be for everyone else, and finally coming into my own. I've realized that it's okay to just let go of being perfect, especially since it's never going to happen! I've learned, for the most part, to let go and let God.
While I would love to have an immaculate home, be organized, sew a spectacular quilt, grow the best garden around, read a book a week, journal every single day, and go on a trip to some far off place in Africa, I'm okay with the fact that a lot of those things will possibly/probably never happen. I don't need to know how to do every single thing there is to do, or learn every single thing there is to learn. I'm okay just being me and living the life I'm in, right here and now. Something I wish I would have figured out 2 decades ago, but hey, better late than never, right?

4. Coming full circle... What seems like a lifetime ago, I made some choices that would affect me and many other people, in one way or another for the rest of our lives. I won't go into the details here, but I'm happy to say that I have finally come to terms with the decisions that I made and no longer do I hate myself for them. I never realized what a huge hole there was in my heart until this year, and now it's good to say that the majority of that hole has been filled back up. Nothing can ever take back the choices that were made, or all that was and is to follow, but to finally come to terms with it all leaves me free to move on and love myself!

5. Finally realizing what God wants me to do with my life and taking my first steps down the path that he has put me on. And while I'm still unsure as to where the all the path will take me in the end, it feels so good to set one foot in front of the other!

So while I didn't feel that anything significant was taking place this year, I couldn't have been more wrong... This has been one of the biggest years of my life, the one that marks the point where I came into my own and learned to love myself for all that I am and have been. I have been humbled before God and have witnessed how truly gracious and forgiving He is and am so excited as I look to a new year and all that is to come!

I hope this year has been a good one for all of you and that you are all happy and healthy as we say goodbye to 2008! Happy New Year everyone!!