Friday night I went to a birthday party for my father-in-law and spent 2 hours listening to one of the guests/neighbors tell me that I need to get out more, need to go visit more, etc... 15 minutes wasn't enough, for some reason he felt the need to drill this into my head for TWO HOURS, like that would change who I am or something. HUH? Now don't get me wrong, this guy is a fantastic individual, and any time that I've ever been around him I've always enjoyed his company. He's got fascinating stories to tell and is just a neat guy all the way around. Just sayin'.
But with that being said:
First off, I really don't get the need to tell anyone that they need to change anything about themselves (even with the best of intentions), unless it is someone in your immediate family who is on a destructive path or something, and even then, there are ways to go about suggesting change, not telling them they must change.
Second off, this is me, it's who I am... I don't feel the need to "get out more", if I did, I would. I'm not a hermit, like some people seem to think. I just so happen to enjoy being at home. I'm a creature of comfort, always have been, and being at home surrounded by the people and things that I love brings me comfort. What/who am I hurting in this?
This isn't the first time this has happened to me, people have always felt the need to tell me what they think I should change about myself, why is that? This goes all the way back to when I was a kid and my Mom (sorry Mom) used to try to get me to put lipstick on for family pictures. To this day I hate lipstick and rarely wear it for anything. I never understood what was wrong with me just the way I was, why did I need to add anything to make me better? (And don't worry, I've made peace with my Mom over that silly little issue, just for the record.) And it continues to this day, even into my 40s, with other people always telling me I need to get out more, call more, do this more and that more...
So anyway, for anyone out there who has a habit of telling people what they "need" to do differently (which I doubt is anyone reading this blog!), please think before you speak and realize that we are all human beings and most of us are a-okay just the way we are. It takes much less effort to accept someone the way they are than to try and change them.
*Note: I did have another part to this post but thought about it and removed it. The blogging world is probably not the best place for marital advice, although it is a wonderful place for inspiration! lol For those that get updates in email format, you've already gotten the other part, so feel free to comment if you'd like. I'd be interested to know what others have to say but just don't want to go about it in the wrong way (sorry if that doesn't make any sense...)
Tiff
Sunday, October 5, 2008
homebody...
written by Tiffany at 7:43 AM
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10 people had this to say:
wow-what a story-I just wanna give you a hug and say I like you just the way you are!
I try my best to not let others define me...one of my friends has had similar things happen to her as you described and I see her struggle often-always tryin to be something else instead of embracing who she is...
Great Post...i didnt get the marital part of the post so i cant comment...but feel free to email it to me ;-)
I totally hear you! What a boring place the world would be if we all took the advice of others (who it seems are trying to make us just like them) and all ended up the same.
-Bonnie
I'm trying to figure out why a person would seize another person and hold her captive for two hours and then deliver a two-hour sermon? I'll bet he has good intentions. I'll be he has certain regrets about his own life and is trying to spare you those regrets. Still, we are all individuals, with different needs. I'm a stay-at-home kind of loner person. I know I can do that to excess, so I try to be balanced. I think that's what this guy needs: discretion and balance. "Two-cents Linda," here!
Hmmmm.... wondering why you stuck around so long. The bathroom would've been calling my name after about 20 minutes!
;)
LOL I kept trying to go to other areas of the house but before you know it, there he was again!
I think he was just trying to tell me that he enjoys talking to me or something, I don't know, the whole thing was weird!
If you are not who you are...but still growing into something you want to be...then you are not really living a fulfilled life!
I think you should just stay the way that makes you happy and fulfilled! :)
I'm spontaneous and fun sometimes and just plain homebody other times!
People need to learn to keep SOME opinions to themselves!
i really identified with this post. i can be such a loner sometimes. it's not that i don't like people. i'm just not the girlie girl who talks on the phone constantly and goes out with girlfriends every day. i really beat myself up for a long time on this issue. like something was wrong with me. thankfully i came to peace with it. i have a handful of girls that know me and love me and let me be me. i get out when i need to but they don't try to change me. that has been so freeing!
and for people giving "advice". i can't help but see it as a way of distracting themselves from their own issues! it is so unfair to expect others to be like you. hmph. i'll get down from my soap box. i just really "got it" on this one and i'm so glad you shared it!
Thank you all for your great comments, they are much appreciated!!
~Tiff
The only thing that could have been worse for me is if they were real close , sometimes people get so close to my face I can not focus any more and my eyes starting going crossed eyed then I get dizzy! I have often wonder what people start to think about me when my eyes are crossedi it should be a sign back off people!
Oooh, I hate that too, when people get up close to me like that.
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