home

Some say that home is where you hang your hat, others say it's where you lay your head...
I think that home is the place you spend your whole life trying to get back to. Maybe it's miles and miles away where your family and friends are, maybe it's just the feeling of comfort and love that you associate with a certain place. Or maybe it's not even a place you've ever been to, but have only dreamt about a time or two, a dream that was so real to you that you know the place must certainly exist, somewhere.
Today ~N. spoke those words to me that I always dread hearing, words of returning to the place we call home, the state of Texas. At the end of their year here with us, they plan to pack all of their belongings and the boys and make their way home.
I want so much to be happy for them, and I am... I want to stay strong and not shed a tear when I think about being left behind, not seeing the boys often enough for them to feel my presence in their lives.
I don't want to be selfish with my love, wishing that they would stay here forever, somewhere just down the road...
And most of all I don't want to envy them for actually going back to the place I miss so dearly. The place that holds so many fond memories for me.
But I must admit that in my heart there is a deep sadness when I think of being so far away from every single person in my family except ~C. How does a person deal with such a sadness? People must do it every day, but how? I cannot even comprehend the feeling of loss when you watch your whole heart drive off into the sunset, not knowing when you will see each other again.
Lord, help me be strong through all of this, I know you have great plans for them, help me to be happy and strong and supportive, and most of all to remember that it's not all about me! And help me to make my home one where memories are made and family and friends long to return to someday...

hard decisions...

As most of you know, I had planned to start college this fall, something that was a big decision that I thought I was 100% sure about...
Then things got busy and chaotic and at times a little overwhelming, requiring me to make some important choices in my life to simplify, cut down on spending, and focus more on family and the importance of just being in the here and now instead of always racing to get to the next place in life without even knowing where I'm at in this moment.
I want to do things like grow a garden, give my home the care that it needs, including some long overdue repairs, and most importantly be more visible and present to my family and friends. To nurture those relationships as fully as I possibly can. To just breathe deep and be in the moment is what I long for most at this point in my life.
Life is so short and before we know it we are old and gray, if we are lucky enough to make it that far, and left wondering how we let our whole lives pass us by, not always knowing whether we made certain that our children and grandchildren, spouses and parents, sisters and brothers, and dear friends ever really knew exactly how much they meant to us and how much they were loved.
With that being said, and after much thought, I have made the choice to hold off on school for just a little while longer, not forever, just for now... It will be there in the future, but for now I'm at peace with the decision to wait.
For now I will fill my life with the simple things like lazy days in hammocks, lemonade, laundry on the line, fresh veggies from the garden, the giggles of grandbabies running through the yard, fresh bread baking in the stove, sweet hugs from ~C., and the love of those around me.
Count me in as one of the luckiest girls alive to have the makings of such a happy existance.

Hoping you all have a wonderful weekend!